While you read the following article why not listen to my e-baroque compositions – just click on the box below:

or if techno music is more your cup of tea here are my techno/ambient compositions:

I hope you find the article below interesting…please visit chrisduggleby.com again.

In the comments under last week’s blog Linda mentioned how she enjoyed my references to Yorkshire and the use of rhyme in the ‘Happy Birthday‘ song (if you missed it you can find the blog with the embedded video of my first blues/jazz number here). Encouraged by the positive feedback from this most valued of my US fans I decided on Monday to put pen to paper and produce a ballad describing a tale of everyday folk from the north of England. Like any good soap it includes romance, passion, good regional food and even a dramatic medical emergency.

Clearly any tale about the North of England had to be presented in an appropriate accent. For this I used the accent I was blessed with as a child (the one that I usually revert to after a couple of beers). I hope those readers who are not too familiar with our UK regional accents will not struggle with this interpretation. To facilitate understanding I have included the words in the video (in ‘almost’ Queens English). This will hopefully also encourage people to sing along. I suspect that as soon as the educational authorities learn of this masterpiece of cultural heritage it will be added to the English Language curriculum of most respectable schools.

So without further ado here is the official video in which the TRANSFORMATES 變 Music Project presents it’s rendition of ‘My Girlfriends a Nitomaniac‘ (vocals by yours truly):

I mentioned that the story includes a medical emergency. Well in fact there are two problems encountered by the story teller – one is that his girlfriend is a Nitomaniac. This is a rare medical condition about which little has been published. If you do a Google search (be careful with the spelling!) you will simply end up with my video. Nitomaniacs are people with an obsessive desire to harvest body (or hair) lice.

The second medical condition in the song is that the story teller appears to be infested by nits – which is a colloquial term for body (or head) lice. Such people are affectionately described (at least in the north of England) as being ‘lousy’ (hence the use of the term ‘you lousy sod’). I had the good fortune to get to investigate these cuddly creatures at close proximity when I was studying at Manchester Medical School in 1978 (no I didn’t use these in the Dugger’s ‘Bug-a-pics’ Christmas Card making enterprise – that made use of electron microscope pics of staphylococci involved in conjugation – a kind of bacterial copulation).

The tragedy in the story is that the person infested with lice happens to be in a relationship with a Nitomaniac. Clearly this makes for some dramatic scenes – especially in the bathroom. I decided it wouldn’t be appropriate to include footage of these scenes in the video in case children see it.

So there you are – poetry taken from everyday life in the North of England – a lover’s tragedy with a touching medical drama. Just to finish this week’s blog I would like to say special thanks to my former girlfriend Sally who helped me through a very traumatic period while I was living in Manchester (I understand she still gets regular therapy for her own little ‘obsessive’ problem).

Enjoy Valentines Day,

Chris Duggleby.

While you read the following article why not listen to my e-baroque compositions – just click on the box below:

or if techno music is more your cup of tea here are my techno/ambient compositions:

I hope you find the article below interesting…please visit chrisduggleby.com again.

This weekend I decided it was time to dust off the old tonsils and lay down a couple of ‘vocal’ numbers. As my most popular song to date was about a gay cross dressing peasant boy who married a eunuch I decided it was time to go a bit more mainstream. So this week there will be no transvestite sheep featuring in the videos – just some nice little tunes about everyday love and financial austerity (but if you do prefer the sheep – the link is here).

The first remarkably normal number to spurt out shortly after breakfast on Saturday was intended to celebrate the fact that my niece Amy had been successful in joining the Nottingham Youth Jazz Orchestra. I have never tried to do any jazz or blues music before so this was an opportunity to try. Since Saturday was also the day of my nephew Jacob’s birthday he unwittingly provided me with an ideal subject. Clearly as a Duggleby bloke born in Yorkshire the theme ‘I would like to buy you a present but I aint got no money’ came straight from my heart.

If you like listening to the Sax (played badly) and a jazz guitar (almost correctly tuned) with a nifty base thumping away in the background why not listen to my rendition of ‘Happy Birthday Friend‘ using the YouTube link below:

In order to give the piece a bit of street cred I managed to engineer an incoming e-mail alert on my computer in the middle of the second line. See if you can spot it (must remember to turn down the volume on the computer when I am recording vocals!). Who needs live music when you can get recordings that are this bad? Well as it only took me about 4 hours to write, play and record (including a sleep in the middle) – it was almost a live performance anyway.

Now moving swiftly on to this weekend’s other piece of music. I originally included with this blog a track of me trying to serenade a lover. However, after listening to it a few times I decided it wasn’t quite right so I reworked it with Doris the ‘Chippy Diva’ and the TRANSFORMATES choir and the new version is below – with a new name – it is now the TRANSFORMATES 變 Music Project’s ‘Electro Requiem’ .

So having got my weekend’s desire to record some songs out of the way I can now get back to reworking some more classical baroque masterpieces like the last couple I shared in my recent blogs (the links are here for Bach and here for Vivaldi). Maybe I should turn my talents next to some of Handel’s great Choral works? Watch this space.

Have a great week – and enjoy Valentines Day,

Chris Duggleby

While you read the following article why not listen to my e-baroque compositions – just click on the box below:

or if techno music is more your cup of tea here are my techno/ambient compositions:

I hope you find the article below interesting…please visit chrisduggleby.com again.

Hi Folks,

I have just popped back to Europe to give my skin a rest from the African sun and catch up on the washing. I always know it’s time to come back when people start to encourage me to maintain my reclusive lifestyle. Yes – after a month it really is time for clean clothes – even when you live next to a ‘textile optional’ beach.

So while I get on with the domestic chores RISKKO has been catching up with his friends and not surprisingly having lots of fun in the snow. For those of our friends who do not get to see much snow you may enjoy the pics in this years seasonal video. Yes whenever RISKKO has fun you can bet there is a photographer nearby. I hope you like our little Christmas tune and the accompanying shots taken from Bad Feilnbach in the Bavarian Alps. Here is the video:

Speaking of photographers the Guardian Newspaper selected a couple of my photos among the favourites in a couple of their Picture Challenge competitions recently. In case you are interested in the other favourites in each category (under the themes ‘Ruins’ and ‘Bright’) here are the links:

Guardian ‘Ruins’ Challenge (mine is the 3rd from the top)

Guardian ‘Bright’ Challenge (mine is the 12th from the top)

The following are the original versions of my photo entries which were selected:

Beatrice joined me a couple of weeks ago in my pad in Cape Town and took quite a shine to reading books on the Kindle. Clearly such talent had to captured and shared with the world. If you are on Facebook you can read more about the exciting adventures of Beatrice (and her predecessor Licky Sticky, the stick insect) on my page here.

This wreck is one of many which exist around the rocks where I stay in the Table Mountain National Park (at Sunset Rocks, near Cape Town). If you are interested in wrecks you can find more photos in my blog here. (apologies for the photo of a rather over exposed human wreck which also found its way into the article!).

So that is all for this week – the mountain of ironing appears to actually be getting bigger and I am not allowed to return to the Southern Hemisphere until I have at least enough clean clothes to allow me to use the path to Sandy Bay beach.

Chris Duggleby

While you read the following article why not listen to my e-baroque compositions – just click on the box below:

or if techno music is more your cup of tea here are my techno/ambient compositions:

I hope you find the article below interesting…please visit chrisduggleby.com again.

Welcome to this winter’s (well really it’s summer here) first blog from Africa. To ensure I do not lose my taste for European living I would like to share with you an update on the latest culinary trends coming out of Holland (insect snacks), a report on how the obesity epidemic is spreading among the crash-test dummy population and the latest musical offering from the TRANSFORMATES 變 project called ‘The Deviant Diet’ (although as you will soon see the Dutch are prepared to go further than most with regard to dietary deviance).

At this time of year I often get asked by friends how it is possible to leave my beautiful Alpine mountains, streams and forests just as they are starting to get a pretty covering of snow. Basically I am trying to squeeze two springs and summers into my year by switching hemispheres as soon as the temperature drops enough to need to turn the heating on. This means that as November arrives I start to spend large chunks of time in Africa. While I was working I did this by using up all of my holidays during the Winter. Now I am retired (sorry – an ‘apprentice music producer’) I can actually spend even more time in Africa although I do pop back to Europe every now and then to allow my skin to recover and do all the washing.

Let me start by showing you where I stay in Africa. The above picture is fairly self explanatory (if you double click on it you can see the high definition original panoramic photo). I live on the edge of the Cape Town village of Llandudno (named after the Welsh place of the same name). Next door to the place where I live is the entrance to a very scenic national park which includes Cape Town’s most beautiful undeveloped beach: ‘Sandy Bay’ (in the middle of the photo). The residents of Llandudno do not permit any shops or restaurants so there is effectively no commerce at all within walking distance of my apartment – just two pristine beaches.

I found the location about 8 years ago with Google Earth using a map similar to the one below:

As you will see from this map Sunset Rocks is almost equidistant from the two beaches, known as Llandudno and Sandy Bay (if you do decide to visit please note the latter is a ‘clothing optional’ venue). As I mentioned above there is no commerce whatsoever allowed in Llandudno but the local town of Hout Bay has loads of shops and restaurants and is about 10 minutes away by car. The centre of Cape Town is only about 20-30 minutes from here and has excellent air connections. The photo at the top of this blog was taken from the Cape Town waterfront which offers plenty of shopping and eating possibilities.

Sunset rocks is quite remote for those who prefer a more reclusive existence like ‘yours truly’. From my balcony I can see mountains to my left and right and the ocean, including the sunset rocks, to the front. The picture below highlights the position of my balcony when viewed from the path to Sandy Bay beach which goes through the protected national park. I have also highlighted the palm tree which features in all the pictures of sunsets (and occasionally of whales) taken from my balcony.

My balcony and the palm tree are also in the photo below which was taken during a full moon with me enjoying my first cup of coffee (it was very early!). The rocks just to the right of me in the picture are the ‘Sunset Rocks’ which give this area its name. Actually the true reason for taking the picture during the full moon was to show off the shine on my African summer hair cut. Normally just before I depart from Europe I remove all traces of hair from my head which allows me to avoid the need to bring a comb or shampoo. The downside is that the daily shave takes a bit longer – and I need to wear hats more often.

Here is a picture taken from my local work station (OK perhaps that is a slightly exaggerated term). The mountain on the right is the Karbunkel Mountain and the track cut about a third of the way up leads to where I took the panoramic picture above. At this point I must issue a security warning to any visitors keen on taking photos of the local scenery. This area looks fantastic but if you are on your own and using a fancy camera it is quite possible that someone will offer to find a good home for it and any other valuables in your possession. So be careful and don’t underestimate the seriousness of the offer. I tried to resist such an offer while taking sunset photos from Sandy Bay beach in 2010 and found myself needing treatment for 3 knife wounds in the local hospital at Constantiaberg. For this reason most of the pictures of African sunsets now tend to be taken from my balcony.

You will notice food features in the picture above – so without further ado let me introduce you to this weeks three food related topics.

1. Insect Snacks now available in Dutch Supermarkets

Are you one of those adventurous types who when travelling overseas likes to test the local delicacies? Having spent a lot of my time in Asia where it was not possible to read what was on the supermarket labels I developed a sense for knowing whether food was edible from the art work on the packaging. This seamed to work reasonably well as I survived many years living in Japan and China.

During my travels I never imagined I would find the culinary offering in European supermarkets more challenging than those in China – and as President of a Chinese Joint Venture I spent many evenings enjoying ‘sea-cucumber’ banquets (where most of the 12 courses comprised of very large sea slugs having a consistency of something that drips from your nose when you have a cold). However the Dutch have recently raised the bar and I will be paying special attention to the pictures on the wrappers of any snacks I buy in their supermarkets in future.

This is because the second largest supermarket chain in Holland has introduced a new product range comprising of insect snacks. These are already available in two of the largest ‘Jumbo’ markets and will be in all 400 branches in 2015. So if you fancy enjoying some tasty mealworm beetle or moth larvae, or perhaps locusts next time you are feeling peckish get yourself down to the nearest Jumbo supermarket. I understand these delights will be avaliable as meat balls, burgers or ‘crisps’ (normally called ‘chips’ in continental Europe). The insect ‘chips’ will be available as salty or peppery variants.

A spokeslady from Jumbo explained to the Süddeutsche Zeitung that the consumption of insects could play an important role solving global food shortage problems. Last year the United Nations Food and Agriculture Organisation called upon western consumers to seriously consider eating more insects to help reduce pressure on scarce food resources. An estimated two billion people or one third of the global population already enjoy insects as part of their normal diet (for German readers you can read the original article in the SDZ here). Clearly our Dutch friends are leading the way in helping to solving the world’s hunger problems.

2. Obese Crash Test Dummies

In the world about a third of adults are overweight. In Germany this proportion increases to two thirds of the male population and in the USA a third of the population is considered clinically obese. However there is one population that has not succumbed to the obesity epidemic – until now that is. That population consists of the dummies we use for testing how people could be impacted by auto collisions – the ‘Crash Test Dummies’.

Clearly with so many of us moving away from the recommended Body Mass Index (BMI) range this needs to be considered in the design of vehicles. If you are obese you will not be comforted to know that your new car has been designed to provide optimal protection to a thin person. Now the US dummy manufacturer Humanetics intends to rectify this situation by introducing onto the market obese dummies which will provide a better indication of the damage that could occur in a collision involving overweight people.

A first prototype has been produced with a body weight of 273 US pounds (124 kilos) and a BMI of 35 (in certain medical circles a BMI of over 30 is considered clinically obese). In an interview with CNN the obese dummy manufacturer estimated that overweight passengers have a 78% increased chance of being killed in an auto collision. This is due to these people being fatter around their middle and in most cars they are forced to sit in a suboptimal position. Airbags and seatbelts are also designed with the ‘normal’ body in mind.

The current ‘normal’ range of crash test dummies comprise males of 1.75 or 1.88 metres tall and weighing 78 or 101 kg (the lady dummies are 1.52 m tall and weigh 54 kg). The dummy children weigh 16.2, 23.4 and 35.2 kg representing children aged 3, 6 and 10 years of age. Clearly this is much smaller than the newly developed obese prototype. These dummies are filled with high tech measuring facilities and cost between 150,000 and 400,000 euros each. In addition to the newly developed obese dummies the manufacturer is also working on a range of ‘old’ dummies to reflect the increasing average age of the population on the roads.

Last year in Germany 999 of the 3339 deaths in car accidents occurred in people over 65 years of age. A new ‘senior’ dummy is required to help simulate what happens to these elderly passengers in a collision and improve their survival chances (the original German article for this information can be found here).

3. Dieting as a form of Deviance

In this world in which we are consistently reminded of what we should and should not eat I thought it might be nice to create a little light relief as we move towards Christmas. This ‘light relief’ has been captured in my song below: The Deviant Diet. If you know someone who is struggling with their diet (or just likes a bit of eating fun) why not send them the link?

So I think that is enough excitement for today. As the day draws to a close here’s a pic taken from my balcony just after the sun has set. Time now for some chocolate and a nice little nightcap (a little dietary deviance never hurt anyone – in moderation of course!).

Chris Duggleby 

While you read the following article why not listen to my e-baroque compositions – just click on the box below:

or if techno music is more your cup of tea here are my techno/ambient compositions:

I hope you find the article below interesting…please visit chrisduggleby.com again.

Apologies to regulars but I have had a huge amount of traffic for this article so I thought it might be useful to reissue it as a blog. If you have already seen it please ignore.

I wrote the following review to help non-Germans understand what it means when a local raises their middle finger to you at the Munich Beer festival (Oktoberfest). This is a friendly gesture which roughly translated means ‘hello there – I am an experienced middle finger hooker‘. ‘Middle finger hooking’ is the English translation of Fingerhakeln – a popular Alpine sport that we are trying to get accepted by the Olympic committee. If you would like to find out more read on. Please lend your support to this sport and if you are fit maybe try it out yourself – who knows you could end up being an olympic hooker!

By the way we have a little beer festival over here in Munich at the moment so if you fancy some pork knuckle get your Lederhosen on and come over to the Oktoberfest.

How Bavarians and Austrians use their middle finger – Fingerhakeln: a men-only sport (did Arnold Schwarzenegger start training this way?)

It is quite likely that the International Olympic Committee were rather confused when they learned that the number of Germans (especially in the South) watching the Olympic closing ceremony was considerably lower than they had predicted. Well I have to say it was pretty short-sighted of the Olympic organisers to schedule their closing ceremony to coincide with one of the cultural and sporting highlights of the Alpine calendar. On Sunday 12th August 2012 the Bavarian Championship in Fingerhakeln (Sports involving your Middle Finger) took place in the town of Lenggries, Upper Bavaria.

In case you are not familiar with middle finger wrestling let me explain what this major Alpine sporting event involves. Two gentlemen in traditional Alpine dress (Lederhosen and Alpine felt hat) sit facing one another over a table. The manner in which the table is attached to the floor is specified in the rules for the sport. A line is drawn in the middle of the table and the two gentlemen insert their middle fingers (one each) into a leather ring.

The objective of the sport is to pull your opponent over the table using only your middle finger. Perhaps the best way for me to describe the wild excitement which accompanies these events is by sharing a couple of videos with you. Please, however, be warned: there is a lot of blood and some of the spectators can get a bit carried away with their passion for the sport.

Video 1 from Bavaria (Local Fingerhakeln event in Bavarian Schnaitsee)

Video 2 from St. Koloman near Salzburg (Alpine International Championships in Austria featuring Josef Utzschneider from Bavaria – Heavy Weight Alpine Fingerhakeln Champion 2011. If you learned Hochdeutsch at school now is the chance to test it! )

For such an important sport there are some very precise rules. The leather ring is clearly defined and the only material the Alpine wrestlers can use on their hands is magnesium powder which facilitates finger grip. It is also laid down in the rules how the opponents can brace themselves against the table to try to resist being pulled over it. The two people standing behind the ‘Haklers‘ are there to help them when they fall backwards. The man in the middle is the referee and ensures the leather ring is exactly in the centre of the table before allowing the bout to commence.

The sport has an interesting history. Originally Finger Hakeln was introduced as a way of settling local disputes. If two farmers felt strong affection for the same lady they could determine who is the most appropriate partner by finger wrestling. This may explain why the idea of ladies participating in the sport is for Alpine gentlemen a strict no-no. Maybe we need to bring Nicola Adams over to the Alps to show them a thing or two about how Yorkshire ladies perform in the big ring. I certainly wouldn’t advise an Alpine gentleman to try to challenge this lady to a friendly bout with his middle finger.

A historical understanding of the origins of finger wrestling throws light on that quaint custom in the Alps of raising one’s middle finger when one is angry with someone. Traditionally this was a way of inviting the opposing person to a finger hakeln bout in order to settle the issue in a gentlemanly way. Therefore my advice to visitors is to use the raised middle finger gesture sparingly when travelling through this region (and if you are considering using the gesture it would be advisable to do some weight training with the finger in question – this is one of the ways that the local champions train).

As far as I am aware there have been no instances of doping in Finger Hakeln apart from the consumption of copious quantities of beer, which in Bavaria is considered to be a form of nutrition (if you would like to read more about german beer and its history please see my article on this subject by clicking here). Middle finger wrestling is a ‘clean’ sport (apart from the blood, magnesium and occasionally some spilled beer). It would make an ideal candidate for future olympics. In fact the Munich Beer Festival (Oktoberfest) would make an excellent permanent venue for the Finger Hakeln Olympics. If you are considering visiting the Oktoberfest and you see men in felt hats and lederhosen with their middle fingers inserted into their rings it would not be a bad idea to be friendly and offer them a beer! Certainly do not show them your middle finger! They are probably training for the Finger Hakeln Olympics

If you like fun you will love my recent video about ‘Pretty Boy Sally’:

This & 5 other TRANSFORMATES 變 Tracks are now released on the EP TRANS 1: EVOLUTION available to download in Sept 2014 from record stores (incl. ITUNES, AMAZON,… ) or immediately from the global distributor here.

Read more about the humorous escapades of the TRANSFORMATES 變 project here.

Happy Finger Hakeln,

Chris Duggleby

If you found this review of interest you may find some of my other recent articles worth reading. To do so just click on the titles below:

28th Feb 2017: Vaccinations Cause Children to Masturbate, as well as Dyslexia, Autism, Sleep Disorders and Brain Tumours

31st March 2014: Women In the Army: Germany – Problems with Sexual Harassment,Scandinavian Solution ….Sleeping Together

18th March 2014: Germany and Finland Joint Investigation: New Case of Sexual Cannibalism Including Self-mutilation (Castration) During Intercourse.

24th February 2014: NAZI Research into the use of Mosquitoes as Biological Weapons to Infect Allied Troops with Malaria.

29th December 2012: Spreading diarrhea and vomit through the washing machine – The Norovirus propagator in our kitchen.

28th December 2012: If you want to suck on my worm you had better whistle my song! 

23rd December 2012: Lower Saxony puts naked winter sports event on ice for safety reasons following massive popularity of undressed ladies on sledges and fears of over exposure. 

22nd December 2012: German tax authorities require lorry drivers to keep a toilet log-book(“LKV Fiscal Bog Log”).

25th August 2012: Bubble Tea – German scientists claim to have found traces of carcinogenic chemicals.

25th August 2012: Sex Tax declared a success by Bonn – once again Germany leads the way in fiscal innovation with high-tech self-service sex tax collection system.

18th August 2012: Polar Bear dies of Encephalitis after catching Herpes from a Zebra in Wuppertal Zoo near Düsseldorf.

4th August 2012: Sexual Equality on the Slide: It Started with Men-only Parking in Triberg – Now we have a Men-only Waterslide in Erding.

4th August 2012: Alpine Cows are Fined 100 Euros by Judge for Ringing their Cow-bells too Loud (Steiermark Kuhglockenstraffe: die Kirchenglocken zunächst?)

4th August 2012: Should Horses be Forced to Wear Diapers to Keep Berlin Visitors’ Shoes free of Poo? (Pferdeäpfel Verursachen viel Dampf um Brandenburger Tor).

28th July 2012: Boxing Fellow Inmates to Survive Auschwitz – Cartoon Story of Hertzko Haft by Reinhard Kleist. 

28th July 2012: Naked Night Swimming in the Lakes Around Munich (costumes and towels are for wimps!)

28th July 2012: Naked In-line Skating in Dachau (Is this Germany’s Preparation for a new Olympic Event? – Watch out Beach Volleyball!)

7th July 2012: Sexual Equality in the Black Forest town of Triberg: Men only parking spaces.

If you are interested in similar reviews to these please visit the contents page of articles my English language Alpine press articles. The link is here. You might like to add http://www.ChrisDuggleby.com to you list of favourites or subscribe to my free updates using the RSS feed which is available by clicking on the link here.

********************************************************************************************

STOP PRESS!! Have you tried the YouTube Playlist featuring all of my compositions for the TRANSFORMATES? Here it is:

********************************************************************************************

Now I have retired from my day job in the oil business I would like to share with visitors to this site some risk insights that they might not have picked up elsewhere. As with my more ‘fun’ focused articles which you can read in the Alpine Press section I often get my ideas for risk reviews from current topics mentioned in non-English language publications.

Using an approach I developed in my internal audit role I will dig a little deeper into some of these stories to try and understand what are the underlying causes and consequences behind the attention grabbing titles. I have to admit this risk focused investigative approach didn’t make me the oil industry’s most popular auditor but it did help to raise the profile of some very important problem areas.

In my blog I will, from time to time, present a summary of my latest risk reviews with links to the more detailed reports I have prepared on each subject (don’t worry they are all free and you do not have to register to read them!). The full list of my latest risk reviews can be found in the Risk Articles section of this website which can be found by clicking here.

Poisonous Gas From Air Conditioners

Obviously most of us do not expect be poisoned when we turn on our air-conditioning. This is especially the case when the air-conditioning is used in a very confined space like a car.

My report on this subject illustrates one of the major risks manufacturers face when they develop new products or try to enhance the properties of existing ones. In my auditing life one area I would sometimes look at was the control processes for ensuring the quality of jet fuels and lubricants. A mistake when developing new products in this area could result in a major airline catastrophe. As a result you need a zero tolerance culture to try and ensure product quality mistakes can not occur. For a Jumbo jet full of passengers any residual safety risk is simply unacceptable.

To eliminate any residual risk when developing or improving critical safety products it is important to try and identify all the potential problems that could be associated with their use. In particular you need to brain storm for any unexpected or unintended risk causes and consequences especially under extreme or harsh operating conditions. In my report I describe a current product development initiative from the auto industry which is trying to make vehicle air-conditioners more environmentally friendly. The report describes some potentially serious unexpected consequences of using a new coolant product.

Many vehicle air-conditioners over the last few years have used a coolant which was efficient but placed an unacceptable burden on the environment. To deal with this problem and comply with new more stringent environmental regulations car manufacturers have started to introduce an alternative coolant which can be used without needing to change vehicle equipment or manufacturing processes. This alternative coolant is environmentally much better than its predecessor.

My concern about this development is that everyone appears to be rushing to introduce the new coolant before it has been comprehensively investigated. In particular testing of the new product under the extreme conditions which could occur when a vehicle is involved in an accident is still incomplete. Some recent research carried out at the University of Munich, and also by the manufacturer of Mercedes cars indicates a serious risk that under certain conditions the new coolant might give rise to extremely dangerous toxic and corrosive gases if released in a vehicle collision.

If you would like to understand more about this subject please read the article by clicking on the following title:

11th May 2014: Product Development Risk: New Air Conditioning Coolant Gas Produces Carbonyl Difluoride (Highly Toxic – Related to WW1 Gas Phosgene) in Vehicle Fires

Currently car manufacturers and the relevant authorities have different views on the suitability of this coolant and many new ‘approved’ vehicles are already on the road. Read the article and decide for yourself – especially if you are contemplating buying a new car.

On-line Carcinogenic Shoes

Buying things on-line has for many of us become a way of life (and in some cases it is almost an addiction). The competition to supply on-line is intense and internet retailers are constantly trying to find ways to reduce their costs. Established branded products normally charge a premium. In part this is to pay for having appropriate product quality processes in place to protect their brand image and reputation. These processes need to exist all the way from the raw materials’ supplies to the company that stores and delivers the product to the end-user.

Independent on-line sellers are clearly envious of the profit margins obtained by branded product manufacturers and are keen to take advantage of this. One way of doing this is by introducing their own-name products. However the pressure on profit margins means that sometimes resellers do not invest adequately in the quality control of their raw materials, manufacturing processes or distribution networks. As a result the product quality and the end-user may suffer. The example in my report concerns the quality of on-line shoes.

The shoes of the company involved were the subject of a random testing by the authorities in Germany. They were found to have chemicals in them which were potentially harmful when coming into contact with the human body. To learn more about this please click on the title below:

6th April 2014: Product Quality Risk: Shoes Sold On-line By Zalando Recalled Due To Chromium 6 Contamination – Known Allergen And Carcinogen

As with many products sold on-line this is not just a local or national issue. These products are sold internationally. If an international on-line retailer is supplying contaminated products these could end-up almost anywhere in the world where that company is prepared top deliver.

Drug Company Turns Its Back On Leukaemia Sufferers

Coming from much loved big-oil I am only too aware of the importance that ethical behaviour can have on a company’s reputation and its potential to impact to the bottom line results and overall value. One of our challenges in auditing is to make sure that short term considerations do not get in the way of correct ethical behaviour.

I was therefore rather disappointed to learn that the manufacturer of a drug which had for many years benefited leukaemia sufferers had decided to withdraw the product so it could be re-introduced under a new name for a new more lucrative market – at a vastly increased price per gram.

You can read the details by clicking on the title below:

16th April 2014: Ethical Pricing: Same Drug – For Leukaemia 21 Euro (Now Withdrawn) – For Multiple Sclerosis 888 Euro

I am sure most of us appreciate that it costs money to develop new drugs especially since the introduction of a new drug can take many years. However I do not believe this argument can be applied to the withdrawal of an already successful and useful cancer treatment. In fact it is still far from certain how useful this drug will be in its new much larger Multiple Sclerosis market. Prior to the decision to ‘drop’ the leukaemia market the company was purchased by a much larger drugs group. Perhaps securing post merger ‘synergies’ rather than recovering research costs, played a significant part in the decision to change the business focus? I will let you judge whether this was appropriate ethical behaviour.

I would like to dedicate this week’s blog to Ulrike and Astrid and all of my Safety and Financial Control colleagues in Bochum (Germany) to try and make up for the fact that I was unable to get over to see them just before my retirement. Good luck in keeping Germany safe from those nasty risks.

Chris Duggleby

If you found this article interesting you may like to read some of my other recent business risk reviews which are listed below (just click on the title):

29th March 2014: Intellectual Property Risk In China – INEOS Takes Sinopec to Court Over Acrylonitrile (A Lovers Dispute – With Cyanide Thrown-in)

25th March 2014: Competition/Antitrust Law – Major Companies Go On The Offensive Against Corrupt Suppliers: Deutsche Bahn’s Anti-Cartel SWAT Team

Pandemic Risk Management Article by Chris Duggleby (February 2012) (or ‘How to Prepare for the Consequences of Microbial Sex!‘)

21st July 2012: How can I get a human liver – without waiting? (Try Göttingen) – German Transplantation Scandal “Livers for Sale”.

23rd June 2012: “Doctors are legally allowed to accept gifts from Pharmaceutical Companies” – In Germany.

When I produce new business risk related articles these will be published under the risk articles section of my website which can be found using the link here. If this kind of information is of interest to you please visit the site again or add http://www.chrisduggleby.com to your browser favourites.

********************************************************************************************

STOP PRESS!! Have you tried the YouTube Playlist featuring all of my compositions for the TRANSFORMATES? Here it is:

********************************************************************************************

Sorry that this blog is a little later than anticipated. This week (or more specifically May Day!) was my last day working for big oil and I had to organise a huge leaving party with attendees from across the global oil industry. Obviously being hosted by the Internal Audit Department it was a very serious but rather modest affair, in fact there wasn’t even any alcohol. We have learned from painful experience that it is not a good idea to serve alcohol when our former ‘clients’ are in attendance. Despite our best efforts to help them with our robust investigative work some audit clients have been known to resort to violence when under the influence of alcohol.

However we did offer bacon butties (goes down a treat with the Arabs), coffee and fruit. The Russian contingent had to apologize at short notice mentioning visa problems due to the Ukraine crisis (although I suspect someone had tipped them off about the lack of alcohol). Since most of my auditing colleagues prefer not to leave the building after dark (to avoid revenge attacks) we held the party early in the morning.

Despite all this pressure I have been able to review some incredibly important news developments in the last few days so let me now share these with you. As usual you can find more detail on all of these subjects (including graphic photos) in the Alpine Press section of this website.

Before I deal with today’s news review let me quickly reply to a request from Mildred in Acrington, Lancashire (UK) after she read my last blog. I am sure you will remember that the blog featured a story from Norway about a fisherman who had caught a cod and found a (presumably) lady’s brightly coloured sensual aid in its stomach (photo link included in the blog). Mildred asked whether the vibrator was still in working order and whether she might be able to get hold of it to carry out some ‘medical research’ for her home study degree. Sadly although both the vibrator and its motor where physically intact inside the cod’s stomach it would appear that its sophisticated electronics had not survived the impregnation with sea water and the fish’s gastric juices. Sorry Mildred, I don’t think it will be much use for your research but please let me know if you would like it as an ornament for the mantelpiece. For those interested in the article just click on the title below:

18th April 2014 Blog: Using Fish To Recycle Plastics (Cod Eats Vibrator)

Moving on swiftly to this weeks news………

Hedgehog Crash Helmets

The police in the German town of Saarbrücken made a spectacular arrest recently. It would appear that the law enforcement officers managed to corner and arrest a somewhat erratically behaving hedgehog testing the effectiveness of a home made crash helmet on the Autobahn.

This wild animal had been terrorising motorists in the region by running into the road wearing his new helmet during the hours of darkness. Many drivers were frightened – thinking that this might be some kind of extraterrestrial invasion – most had no experience of such a conically shaped object with rear-end spikes. As a result they notified the law enforcement authorities to consider whether military action might be necessary.

It is suspected that the hedgehog was part of a broader movement aimed at rebelling against drivers who mercilessly kill innocent little animals on the roads (the article also contained a link to another review I wrote on this same subject – including a video of deliberate tortoise slaughter by motorists). If you would like to read the article about the hedgehog and its home made crash helmet just click on the title below:

19th April 2014: German Police Catch Hedgehogs Testing Home Made Crash Helmets in Saarbrücken

The article also includes a photo made of the hedgehog shortly after his arrest.

Cuckoo Protection Rackets

Now spring has arrived many of us are starting to look forward to the familiar sound of the cuckoos calling out from the forests. However some animals will not be looking forward to this sound at all – in fact they will be terrorized by it.

Recent research seems to indicate that the cuckoo, in addition to calling out to potential mates for a bit of cuckoo-passion, uses its call to let other species of bird know that ‘the boys are back in town‘. It is well known that cuckoos lay their eggs in other bird’s nests and that they also expect the new ‘foster-parent‘ to rear the baby cuckoo by providing it with regular helpings of nice juicy worms.

It is also known that some birds have evolved ways to try and avoid this (more details on this in my article). To discourage any lack of cooperation some cuckoos have developed the unpleasant habit of trashing the nest of any bird that has either ejected the cuckoo’s egg or refuses to feed its offspring. The cuckoo apparently intends this destruction of the bird’s home and any of its remaining chicks to be a warning so that next time that bird is ‘selected‘ as a foster parent it will show more willingness to cooperate.

My article describes this Cuckoo Mafia activity and some of the recent research supporting how it has evolved in nature. Just click on the title below:

27th April 2014: Spring Arrives Bringing Familiar Cuckoo Songs – With Their Sinister Mafioso Undertones 

My final article this week describes how man is using modern arms technology to protect wildlife.

Germans Using Drones Against Killer Mowers

There has been a lot in the press recently about drones being used by the military to conduct operations which sometimes end up mistakenly killing innocent individuals. Therefore I was pleased to see that this technology is now being adapted to save innocent individuals – or more specifically to save innocent babies.

Many thousands of baby deer get slaughtered in Germany each year by grass mowers and my article describes how the German authorities are using drone aircraft to address this terrible Fawnocide. If you would like to read more (but be aware there are references to unpleasant events involving baby deer) click on the article below:

2nd May 2014: Germany Mobilises Drones To Help Defenceless Countryside Inhabitants from Knife Attacks (Baby Deer Saved From Killer Mowers)

So I think that is enough excitement for this week. Please visit the site again and let me know if you have any comments (and sorry once again to Mildred!).

Chris Duggleby

If you found this article interesting you might also like to take a look at some of my other recent reviews. Just click on the titles below:

17th April 2014: Niche On-line Dating Services (Specialities: Herpes, Thrush and Genital Warts)

18th March 2014: Germany and Finland Joint Investigation: New Case of Sexual Cannibalism Including Self-mutilation (Castration) During Intercourse.

7th March 2014: Invasive Alien Species (IAS) Discovered in France – Potential for European Ecosystem Disaster

4th March 2014: 30,000 Year old giant virus found in the Siberian Permafrost and ‘resurrected’ – it is still infectious!

2nd March 2014: Wolves are better at learning from their ‘pals’ than dogs.Through domestication dogs have lost a capability that is key to success in the wild.

24th February 2014: NAZI Research into the use of Mosquitoes as Biological Weapons to Infect Allied Troops with Malaria.

24th February 2014: Ant Wars: Crazy Ants deploy Chemical Warfare against Poisonous Fire Ants and their Amphibious Craft.

9th March 2013: Insects getting hooked on psychoactive drugs – How plants take advantage of bees by giving them a caffeine buzz.

18th August 2012: Polar Bear dies of Encephalitis after catching Herpes from a Zebra in Wuppertal Zoo near Düsseldorf.

18th August 2012: How Bavarians and Austrians use their middle finger – Fingerhakeln: a men-only sport (did Arnold Schwarzenegger start training this way?).

11th August 2012: Do you have killer rats/mice in your cellar? Over 2000 people attacked in Germany so far this year (Hantavirus Infections at record levels).

If you like this kind of news there are plenty more articles on my Alpine Press pages which you can find here. Why not add this site to your browser favourites or subscribe to get regular updates?

While you read the following article why not listen to my e-baroque compositions – just click on the box below:

or if techno music is more your cup of tea here are my techno/ambient compositions:

I hope you find the information below interesting…please visit chrisduggleby.com again.

Today’s article reviews how Norwegian fisherman, Bjørn Frilund, found a vibrating sex toy inside a cod and speculates whether this could be connected with recent changes in the sleeping arrangements proposed for the Norwegian Army. It concludes with a passionate rendition of Rule Britannia to celebrate St. George’s day.

In the last few days I came across some major developments in Norwegian recycling technology which need to be brought to the attention of the international community.

Norwegian Plastics Recycling Breakthrough

In the oil industry they have been trying for many years to develop mutant bugs which can break down and eat the unpleasant residues from crude oil spills. Similarly microbes which can eat plastics might help to reduce the growing mountain of indestructible packaging products created by mankind. However the Norwegians have demonstrated once again their Viking ingenuity by developing cod which are able to eat large pieces of waste plastic.

My understanding is that the fisheries authorities in Norway are trying to find ways to diversify their fishing industry. One of their top secret projects reputedly involves producing mutant cod which are able to eat up some of the considerable volumes of plastic waste floating about in the World’s oceans.

My expectation is that Norwegian fishing vessels, which are constantly struggling with fish quotas, would release these mutant, plastic eating cod, into the oceans and then harvest them as part of a scientific fish monitoring programme (regular readers will remember my article describing how the Japanese have used this approach to justify hunting and killing whales – if you missed it please use this link).

Suddenly the negative publicity from over-fishing the oceans would be turned on its head as the Norwegian fleet would be seen as saving the oceans from the scourge of man-made plastics. They would catch the cod in their nets, split them open to remove the plastics and then pass on the juicy bits to their local fish and chip shops.

So far so good but those of us who have worked in the lab producing mutants know only too well that you need to be very careful when releasing these new organisms into the wild. It looks as if the Norwegians may have been rather hasty by releasing at least one (and possibly more) of their experimental plastic-eating cod into the ocean.

The highly respectable Norwegian Newspaper Åndalsnes Avis ran an article on the 10th April under the title “FANGET TORSK, FANT DILDO” – which for those not blessed with Norwegian language skills means “Caught Cod, Found Dildo“. It would appear that the Norwegian fisheries authorities have been caught red-handed (well actually the object in question was more of an orange colour). The fisherman who caught the beast, Bjørn Frilund, said he was cutting up his catch when he noticed its stomach was a rather unusual shape. In addition to two partly digested herrings he discovered that the cod had eaten a rather brightly coloured orange vibrator. He thought that perhaps the cod had mistaken the sex toy for a local octopus – these also happen to be multicoloured.

Bjørn even speculated as to how the vibrator, which still had a small motor attached to one end, may have entered the ocean – “perhaps it had been tossed off a boat by a frustrated woman on a cruise in the Barents Sea“. Well maybe not – read on!

If you would like to read the original article in Norwegian (with photos) please follow the link by clicking here. For those who struggle with the local language you can read an English version in Norway’s News in English Paper ‘The Local‘ by clicking here.

So What’s This Got To Do With The Norwegian Army?

Interestingly at about the same time that Bjørn Frilund was discovering sex toys inside fish I was preparing an article for publication on the outcome of research carried out on behalf of the Norwegian military. This looked at the impact on troop motivation and levels of sexual descrimination/harassment when male and female soldiers were allowed to sleep in mixed quarters. In case you missed this important article just click on the title below:

31st March 2014: Women In the Army: Germany – Problems with Sexual Harassment,Scandinavian Solution ….Sleeping Together

Now I am sure that it is merely an interesting coincidence that shortly after the Norwegian authorities decided to allow both sexes to share sleeping facilities that unwanted lady’s sex toys started to be discarded into the sea around Norway’s shoreline.

I think we can call it a coincidence as long as Bjørn’s find turns out to be unique. If fisherman start to discover fish containing more plastic items of a discrete feminine nature there may be a link to the recent developments in the military. Meanwhile I have heard a rumour that Scandinavian environmentalists are trying to develop lady’s intimate play things in the shape of octopuses to make them easier to recycle. I will monitor developments and keep you informed.

Women dressed as sailors and singing

My final item today is somewhat celebratory in nature. Next week on Wednesday it is the 23rd of April. This is the birthday of the UK’s first blogger, William Shakespeare, it is also the date when the German Beer Purity Law was introduced in Bavaria (yes I expect more parties in our local beer gardens next week). It is also St. George’s day: the patron saint of England and famous slayer of unpleasant fire spitting creatures. I explained more about the history of all of these events in an earlier blog which can be found by clicking here.

In line with both the nautical and military flavour of this week’s blog and to remind the world’s Anglophiles that its not just the Norwegians who are fond of sailors here is a little song by a lady who could make any Viking tremble. I had such an enthusiastic response to my recent article featuring a video of Land of Hope and Glory (which you can view again here) that I would like to share with you today an excellent rendition of Rule Britannia in its original form. Take it away Sarah Connolly (just click on the picture below):

If any readers expect to eat fish over the Easter festive period please remember that its only the little chocolate eggs that contain the plastic toys – not the cod. For modesty’s sake I suggest you gut the fish when the children are not around – just in case.

Enjoy St. George’s day.

Chris Duggleby

If you found this article interesting you might also like to take a look at some of my other recent reviews. Just click on the titles below:

17th April 2014: Niche On-line Dating Services (Specialities: Herpes, Thrush and Genital Warts)

18th March 2014: Germany and Finland Joint Investigation: New Case of Sexual Cannibalism Including Self-mutilation (Castration) During Intercourse.

7th March 2014: Invasive Alien Species (IAS) Discovered in France – Potential for European Ecosystem Disaster

4th March 2014: 30,000 Year old giant virus found in the Siberian Permafrost and ‘resurrected’ – it is still infectious!

2nd March 2014: Wolves are better at learning from their ‘pals’ than dogs.Through domestication dogs have lost a capability that is key to success in the wild.

24th February 2014: Ant Wars: Crazy Ants deploy Chemical Warfare against Poisonous Fire Ants and their Amphibious Craft.

9th March 2013: Insects getting hooked on psychoactive drugs – How plants take advantage of bees by giving them a caffeine buzz.

29th December 2012: Spreading diarrhea and vomit through the washing machine – The Norovirus propagator in our kitchen. 

18th August 2012: How Bavarians and Austrians use their middle finger – Fingerhakeln: a men-only sport (did Arnold Schwarzenegger start training this way?).

4th August 2012: Sexual Equality on the Slide: It Started with Men-only Parking in Triberg – Now we have a Men-only Waterslide in Erding.

14th July 2012: Animal Emergencies and Horror Stories: Buzzards Attack Joggers, Horse Nearly Drowns in Poo, Ducklings Down the Drain.

If you find this kind of news interesting there are plenty more articles on my Alpine Press contents page which you can find here. Why not add this site to your browser favourites or subscribe to get regular updates?

If you enjoyed reading about how Norwegian fisherman, Bjørn Frilund, found a vibrator in a cod, the innovative mixed sleeping arrangements in the Norwegian Army  or the passionate rendition of Rule Britannia to celebrate St. George’s day please visit http://www.chrisduggleby.com again.

While you read the following article why not listen to my e-baroque compositions – just click on the box below:

or if techno music is more your cup of tea here are my techno/ambient compositions:

I hope you find the information below interesting…please visit chrisduggleby.com again.

I would like to dedicate this week’s blog to encouraging the Japanese authorities to abide by the final ruling of the International Court of Justice (31st March 2014) that Japan’s whaling program was not for scientific purposes. The ruling also forbade the granting of further permits for research whaling by Japan (a copy of the ruling can be found here). I would like to ask Japan, and its fellow industrial whaling countries like Norway and Island to consider ending all slaughter of whales on the basis that it causes considerable pain and suffering for questionable commercial gain.

Regular visitors to http://www.chrisduggleby.com will be well aware that I am very fortunate in being able to spend a large amount of time during the European winter on the South African coast. I actually have my office workstation there positioned so that I can admire the whales as they swim past and sometimes manage to click photos like the ones below. Its a bit like heaven: sunshine, writing books and amazing free entertainment from one of the mammalian wonders of the world.

The reason for the International Court of Justice’s ruling relates to the Japanese Government’s view that it could continue to kill whales for scientific purposes based on a clause (VIII) in the International Convention for the Regulation of Whaling. That clause said:

 1. Notwithstanding anything contained in this Convention any Contracting Government may grant to any of its nationals a special permit authorizing that national to kill, take and treat whales for purposes of scientific research subject to such restrictions as to number and subject to such other conditions as the Contracting Government thinks fit, and the killing, taking, and treating of whales in accordance with the provisions of this Article shall be exempt from the operation of this Convention. Each Contracting Government shall report at once to the Commission all such authorizations which it has granted. Each Contracting Government may at any time revoke any such special permit which it has granted.

2. Any whales taken under these special permits shall so far as practicable be processed and the proceeds shall be dealt with in accordance with directions issued by the Government by which the permit was granted

Using this clause Japan has been issuing permits to allow the continued hunting and killing of whales. These whales were then butchered and their remains sold in exactly the same manner as when Japan conducted its normal factory whaling operations.

The case against Japan was bought by Australia, a country which has considerable commercial ties with Japan but was driven by a strong conviction that the deliberate mass slaughter of whales in such a distressful way, for no real benefit to mankind was morally and ethically wrong. The people of Australia were simply not prepared to let their leaders stand by and allow this to continue.

Hundreds of years ago local communities of Japanese fishermen hunted whales in very small numbers to provide the population living near the coast with essential food and other products like oils. At the beginning of the 20th century following the lead of other nations like Norway industrial whaling started in Japan. As a result considerably larger numbers of these mammals where slaughtered and as local stocks became depleted the vessels started to hunt in the oceans far away from their traditional home waters. Eventually regions like the Antarctic became popular hunting grounds for the Japanese whalers. After the second World War the whaling industry was allowed to start again to help feed the starving population of Japan and provide other much needed raw materials. During this time whale meat became a key component in children’s school meals to ensure they received a basic level of nutrition. As a result, towards the second half of the last century many Japanese people had come to consider whale meat to be a normal part of their diet.

In recent times people in Japan and other traditional whale meat eating countries have moved away from this diet. In addition to allegations that it contains toxic levels of methyl mercury (6 times the US FDA limit for food in one study) whale meat can also be contaminated with polychlorinated biphenyls. Pregnant women and children are strongly recommended against eating it. Following the 2011 Fukushima nuclear incident Mink whales caught of the coast of Hokkaido were found to contain radioactive caesium.

These health concerns together with the growing awareness that killing these mammals is both expensive and needlessly traumatic most of the population, even in Japan, is turning away from eating whale meat. The generation that was brought up on whale meat after the war is, to a large part, no longer with us. Therefore the explanation that whale meat is part of the ‘cultural diet‘ is no longer relevant. Due to the lack of demand from humans a lot of the whale meat is now used in processed dog food.

However, whaling – through considerable subsidies from the Japanese government – still continues. On its own it is economically unsustainable, although it is probably still considered to be a negotiating chip when the governments of Japan, Norway and Iceland sit down with the international community to discuss global fishing treaties. It is still responsible for the traumatic death of thousands of whales including their calves, many of them seriously endangered.

As the voting public in Australia have demonstrated it is possible to force otherwise hesitant governments to take appropriate action on matters we consider to be ethically and morally repugnant. Whaling has reached the stage where it just does not make commercial sense to continue. Therefore why should a civilised world allow these creatures to be slaughtered under such barbaric conditions?. If you agree please make your views known to those who could do something – and as a consumer remember that you always have a choice.

I include below some videos which illustrate the barbaric slaughter and suffering of whales pursued by Japanese whaling vessels – and for once I do not apologise for their unpleasant nature. In fact I challenge anyone watching the first one not to reach for a handkerchief.

Thanks for visiting the site, please drop by again

Chris Duggleby

If you found this article of interest you might like to take a look at some of my other articles about important topical subjects. To read these click on the titles below:

6th April 2014: Product Quality Risk: Shoes Sold On-line By Zalando Recalled Due To Chromium 6 Contamination – Known Allergen And Carcinogen 

31st March 2014: Women In the Army: Germany – Problems with Sexual Harassment,Scandinavian Solution ….Sleeping Together

22nd March 2014: Helping the Blind ‘Hear’ Shapes and Pictures – Image Recognition Area of Brain Stimulated by ‘Soundscapes’ in Congenitally Blind – Despite Never Having Seen Before!

18th March 2014: Germany and Finland Joint Investigation: New Case of Sexual Cannibalism Including Self-mutilation (Castration) During Intercourse.

24th February 2014: NAZI Research into the use of Mosquitoes as Biological Weapons to Infect Allied Troops with Malaria.

Many more interesting articles are available from the contents list on my Alpine Press page. To view this just click on the link here. If you like this kind of news please add http://www.chrisduggleby.com to your favourites or subscribe to my RSS feed.