Hedgehogs with Crash Helmets, Cuckoo Protection Rackets and Germans Using Drones Against Killer Mowers

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STOP PRESS!! Have you tried the YouTube Playlist featuring all of my compositions for the TRANSFORMATES? Here it is:

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Sorry that this blog is a little later than anticipated. This week (or more specifically May Day!) was my last day working for big oil and I had to organise a huge leaving party with attendees from across the global oil industry. Obviously being hosted by the Internal Audit Department it was a very serious but rather modest affair, in fact there wasn’t even any alcohol. We have learned from painful experience that it is not a good idea to serve alcohol when our former ‘clients’ are in attendance. Despite our best efforts to help them with our robust investigative work some audit clients have been known to resort to violence when under the influence of alcohol.

However we did offer bacon butties (goes down a treat with the Arabs), coffee and fruit. The Russian contingent had to apologize at short notice mentioning visa problems due to the Ukraine crisis (although I suspect someone had tipped them off about the lack of alcohol). Since most of my auditing colleagues prefer not to leave the building after dark (to avoid revenge attacks) we held the party early in the morning.

Despite all this pressure I have been able to review some incredibly important news developments in the last few days so let me now share these with you. As usual you can find more detail on all of these subjects (including graphic photos) in the Alpine Press section of this website.

Before I deal with today’s news review let me quickly reply to a request from Mildred in Acrington, Lancashire (UK) after she read my last blog. I am sure you will remember that the blog featured a story from Norway about a fisherman who had caught a cod and found a (presumably) lady’s brightly coloured sensual aid in its stomach (photo link included in the blog). Mildred asked whether the vibrator was still in working order and whether she might be able to get hold of it to carry out some ‘medical research’ for her home study degree. Sadly although both the vibrator and its motor where physically intact inside the cod’s stomach it would appear that its sophisticated electronics had not survived the impregnation with sea water and the fish’s gastric juices. Sorry Mildred, I don’t think it will be much use for your research but please let me know if you would like it as an ornament for the mantelpiece. For those interested in the article just click on the title below:

18th April 2014 Blog: Using Fish To Recycle Plastics (Cod Eats Vibrator)

Moving on swiftly to this weeks news………

Hedgehog Crash Helmets

The police in the German town of Saarbrücken made a spectacular arrest recently. It would appear that the law enforcement officers managed to corner and arrest a somewhat erratically behaving hedgehog testing the effectiveness of a home made crash helmet on the Autobahn.

This wild animal had been terrorising motorists in the region by running into the road wearing his new helmet during the hours of darkness. Many drivers were frightened – thinking that this might be some kind of extraterrestrial invasion – most had no experience of such a conically shaped object with rear-end spikes. As a result they notified the law enforcement authorities to consider whether military action might be necessary.

It is suspected that the hedgehog was part of a broader movement aimed at rebelling against drivers who mercilessly kill innocent little animals on the roads (the article also contained a link to another review I wrote on this same subject – including a video of deliberate tortoise slaughter by motorists). If you would like to read the article about the hedgehog and its home made crash helmet just click on the title below:

19th April 2014: German Police Catch Hedgehogs Testing Home Made Crash Helmets in Saarbrücken

The article also includes a photo made of the hedgehog shortly after his arrest.

Cuckoo Protection Rackets

Now spring has arrived many of us are starting to look forward to the familiar sound of the cuckoos calling out from the forests. However some animals will not be looking forward to this sound at all – in fact they will be terrorized by it.

Recent research seems to indicate that the cuckoo, in addition to calling out to potential mates for a bit of cuckoo-passion, uses its call to let other species of bird know that ‘the boys are back in town‘. It is well known that cuckoos lay their eggs in other bird’s nests and that they also expect the new ‘foster-parent‘ to rear the baby cuckoo by providing it with regular helpings of nice juicy worms.

It is also known that some birds have evolved ways to try and avoid this (more details on this in my article). To discourage any lack of cooperation some cuckoos have developed the unpleasant habit of trashing the nest of any bird that has either ejected the cuckoo’s egg or refuses to feed its offspring. The cuckoo apparently intends this destruction of the bird’s home and any of its remaining chicks to be a warning so that next time that bird is ‘selected‘ as a foster parent it will show more willingness to cooperate.

My article describes this Cuckoo Mafia activity and some of the recent research supporting how it has evolved in nature. Just click on the title below:

27th April 2014: Spring Arrives Bringing Familiar Cuckoo Songs – With Their Sinister Mafioso Undertones 

My final article this week describes how man is using modern arms technology to protect wildlife.

Germans Using Drones Against Killer Mowers

There has been a lot in the press recently about drones being used by the military to conduct operations which sometimes end up mistakenly killing innocent individuals. Therefore I was pleased to see that this technology is now being adapted to save innocent individuals – or more specifically to save innocent babies.

Many thousands of baby deer get slaughtered in Germany each year by grass mowers and my article describes how the German authorities are using drone aircraft to address this terrible Fawnocide. If you would like to read more (but be aware there are references to unpleasant events involving baby deer) click on the article below:

2nd May 2014: Germany Mobilises Drones To Help Defenceless Countryside Inhabitants from Knife Attacks (Baby Deer Saved From Killer Mowers)

So I think that is enough excitement for this week. Please visit the site again and let me know if you have any comments (and sorry once again to Mildred!).

Chris Duggleby

If you found this article interesting you might also like to take a look at some of my other recent reviews. Just click on the titles below:

17th April 2014: Niche On-line Dating Services (Specialities: HerpesThrush and Genital Warts)

18th March 2014: Germany and Finland Joint Investigation: New Case of Sexual Cannibalism Including Self-mutilation (Castration) During Intercourse.

7th March 2014: Invasive Alien Species (IAS) Discovered in France – Potential for European Ecosystem Disaster

4th March 2014: 30,000 Year old giant virus found in the Siberian Permafrost and ‘resurrected’ – it is still infectious!

2nd March 2014: Wolves are better at learning from their ‘pals’ than dogs.Through domestication dogs have lost a capability that is key to success in the wild.

24th February 2014: NAZI Research into the use of Mosquitoes as Biological Weapons to Infect Allied Troops with Malaria.

24th February 2014: Ant Wars: Crazy Ants deploy Chemical Warfare against Poisonous Fire Ants and their Amphibious Craft.

9th March 2013: Insects getting hooked on psychoactive drugs – How plants take advantage of bees by giving them a caffeine buzz.

18th August 2012: Polar Bear dies of Encephalitis after catching Herpes from a Zebra in Wuppertal Zoo near Düsseldorf.

18th August 2012: How Bavarians and Austrians use their middle finger – Fingerhakeln: a men-only sport (did Arnold Schwarzenegger start training this way?).

11th August 2012: Do you have killer rats/mice in your cellar? Over 2000 people attacked in Germany so far this year (Hantavirus Infections at record levels).

If you like this kind of news there are plenty more articles on my Alpine Press pages which you can find here. Why not add this site to your browser favourites or subscribe to get regular updates?

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