Fun Articles

I started writing these articles when I lived in the German Alps and originally referred to them as my Alpine Press. I found there were many humorous stories in the German press that didn’t get much exposure outside of the country. So this was my attempt to demonstrate to the English speaking world that the Germans do indeed have a sense of humour. More recently I have started to add news from other sources – the only criterion is – it must be fun to read. Welcome to my ‘Fun Articles’.

While you read some fun articles why not listen to my album ‘Electro Baroque‘ (available on iTunes using the link here)? Classical music using modern instruments:

or if you prefer to try my electronic music album ‘Studio Valiumm‘ here are the videos (also on iTunes using the link here):

More info about my music is at the dedicated website www.TRANSFORMATES.com

There are a few sensible subjects included in the list below but the majority are intended to make you laugh. To read an article just click on its title:

11th Mar 2017: Cling Film Condom Gets Stuck – i.Con the Smart Wearable Sex Ring in Beta Testing

28th Feb 2017: Vaccinations Cause Children to Masturbate, as well as Dyslexia, Autism, Sleep Disorders and Brain Tumours

21st Nov 2016: The German Shit Exchange – A Green Economy Innovation

28th Oct 2016: Prevent Trumps (Farts) From Smelling Bad (Unpleasant Flatulence Breakthrough) – Good Carbs = Good Farts (in England – Trumps are Farts)

9th March 2016: Penis Ring Emergency – German Fire Fighters Rescue Man From Painful 13 Cock Ring Torture

4th March 2016: Dachau Industry Park Evolves From Concentration Camp To Nudist Wellness Club (Brothel)

13th Dec 2015: Health Risk – Potential Carcinogens Found in Advent Calendar Chocolates – German Investigation

29th Aug 2015: 6 year old child sued for damages after skiing accident. Parasites attacking swimmers in lakes

4th March 2015: Hamburg Reeperbahn (St. Pauli): Germans install walls that urinate on passers-by

8th May 2014: Regensburg: German Research Project – Inappropriate Behaviour in Public Toilets – Request For Photo Evidence  

2nd May 2014: Germany Mobilises Drones To Help Defenceless Countryside Inhabitants from Knife Attacks (Baby Deer Saved From Killer Mowers)

27th April 2014: Spring Arrives Bringing Familiar Cuckoo Songs – With Their Sinister Mafioso Undertones 

19th April 2014: German Police Catch Hedgehogs Testing Home Made Crash Helmets in Saarbrücken

17th April 2014: Niche On-line Dating Services (Specialities: Herpes, Thrush and Genital Warts)

31st March 2014: Women In the Army: Germany – Problems with Sexual Harassment, Scandinavian Solution ….Sleeping Together

18th March 2014: Germany and Finland Joint Investigation: New Case of Sexual Cannibalism Including Self-mutilation (Castration) During Intercourse.

7th March 2014: Invasive Alien Species (IAS) Discovered in France – Potential for European Ecosystem Disaster

4th March 2014: 30,000 Year old giant virus found in the Siberian Permafrost and ‘resurrected’ – it is still infectious!

2nd March 2014: Wolves are better at learning from their ‘pals’ than dogs.Through domestication dogs have lost a capability that is key to success in the wild.

24th February 2014: NAZI Research into the use of Mosquitoes as Biological Weapons to Infect Allied Troops with Malaria.

24th February 2014: Ant Wars: Crazy Ants deploy Chemical Warfare against Poisonous Fire Ants and their Amphibious Craft.

6th April 2013: Changing the name of a dress colour based on the size of the wearer (or what have Sea Cows/Manatees in common with my wardrobe) 

6th April 2013: Family welcomed on board luxury cruise liner – by thousands of bed bugs!

9th March 2013: Insects get hooked on psychoactive drugs – How plants take advantage of bees by giving them a caffeine buzz.

2nd January 2013: Horror Story: Scientists demonstrate that drivers aim to kill innocent creatures trying to cross the road! (Tortoise-o-cide). 

2nd January 2013: Invasion from space – Why is Bavaria so favoured by extraterrestrial bodies?

30th December 2012: German Medical Scandal: Experiments carried out on communist patients for capitalist pharmaceutical companies.

29th December 2012: Spreading diarrhea and vomit through the washing machine – The Norovirus propagator in our kitchen. 

23rd December 2012: Lower Saxony puts naked winter sports event on ice for safety reasons following massive popularity of undressed ladies on sledges and fears of over exposure. 

22nd December 2012: German tax authorities require lorry drivers to keep a toilet log-book(“LKV Fiscal Bog Log”).

6th October 2012: Blue, green or chocolate-brown honey: Bee Obesity (“Obeesity”), M&Ms and a potential marketing challenge to Nutella in our children’s lunchboxes.

25th August 2012: Bubble Tea – German scientists claim to have found traces of carcinogenic chemicals.

25th August 2012: Sex Tax declared a success by Bonn – once again Germany leads the way in fiscal innovation with high-tech self-service sex tax collection system.

18th August 2012: Polar Bear dies of Encephalitis after catching Herpes from a Zebra in Wuppertal Zoo near Düsseldorf.

18th August 2012: How Bavarians and Austrians use their middle finger – Fingerhakeln: a men-only sport (did Arnold Schwarzenegger start training this way?).

11th August 2012: Do you have killer rats/mice in your cellar? Over 2000 people attacked in Germany so far this year (Hantavirus Infections at record levels).

4th August 2012: Sex Equality on Slides: It Started with Men-only Parking in Triberg – Now we have a Men-only Waterslide in Erding.

4th August 2012: Alpine Cows are Fined 100 Euros by Judge for Ringing Cow-bells too Loud

4th August 2012: Should Horses be Forced to Wear Diapers to Keep Berlin Visitors’ Shoes free of Shit?

28th July 2012: Boxing Fellow Inmates to Survive Auschwitz – Cartoon Story of Hertzko Haft by Reinhard Kleist. 

28th July 2012: Naked Night Swimming in the Lakes Around Munich (costumes and towels are for wimps!)

28th July 2012: Naked In-line Skating in Dachau (German Preparation for new Olympic Event – Nude Beach Volleyball?)

21st July 2012: How can I get a human liver – without waiting? (Try Göttingen) – German Transplantation Scandal “Livers for Sale”.

14th July 2012: Animal Emergencies and Horror Stories: Buzzards Attack Joggers, Horse Nearly Drowns in Shit, Ducklings Down the Drain.

7th July 2012: Formal Business Dress in Summer – A German View (‘Naked Legs are Tabu’).

7th July 2012: 15 Injured when lightning hits Via Ferrate climbing rope –  Klettersteig in the Berchtesgaden Alps in Bavaria, Germany.

7th July 2012: Sexual Equality in the Black Forest town of Triberg: Men only parking spaces.

30th June 2012: Three People Killed During Golf as Lightning Strikes Cabin in Germany.

Please share your comments on the site with me (or use this box to simply contact me). Add 'confidential' at the top if you do not want your comments to be published. Thanks - Chris

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