Last Friday in the middle of the night a 44-year-old gentleman in Dachau, southern Germany appears to have been practicing a new variant of a familiar sport. No doubt he was doing this at night-time to avoid drawing international attention to his novel technical tricks or subtle body maneuvers. I am sure this clandestine exercise was part of a secret attempt to get ahead of the pack before this sport is accepted by the olympic committee as a new full-blown olympic event.
The sport in question is Naked In-line Skating. At around midnight a 19-year-old local resident could not believe his eyes when he witnessed this secret pre-olympic training session in the Dachau Industry Park. This was a cunning plan – by practicing the sport in this unusual location at the same time as the Olympic Opening ceremony in London the German Naked In-line Skating Federation were able to avoid the attention of the international press.
The young witness immediately contacted the police but by the time they arrived on the scene he had lost eye contact with the Frei Korper Kulture (FKK) athlete. The Police immediately started a search and managed to capture the naked skater just as he was about to flee across a field.
Perhaps not surprisingly the lack of any pockets meant the in-line skater was unable to present the police with any identification papers. An on-the-spot inspection was therefore not possible. He therefore had to accompany the police back to the station for a more detailed investigation. At the time of writing I understand that the police are trying to determine whether any crimes or fines are applicable to naked in-line skating in Dachau.
Quite frankly the whole situation appears to me to be a carefully coordinated cover-up. For example I could not find this story in the sports pages of any of the Respectable German press. They appeared to be more focused on the ‘eccentric’ English Olympic Opening Ceremony (well at least the queen was respectably clothed when she parachuted into the stadium!). This new German sporting event merely received a couple of paragraphs under the Dachau local news. There were not even any photographs.
Don’t be surprised if by the next olympics there is a new FKK sporting event and the German team have a major technical advantage – particularly if the sport is conducted at night-time.
You can find an original rather short german language report (yes without pictures) using this link. In order to maintain a level of decorum I intend to keep an eye open for any other clandestine attempts to promote sports activities in birthday suits. Thank goodness they don’t play cricket!
Chris Duggleby
If you are interested in reading my other health focused articles try the following
Torture In The Shower – Face and Body Soap Allergies – Main Suspect: Pears Transparent Soap
Toxic Chemicals in Sex Toys – 18 Vibrators, Cock Rings, Love Balls Tested – Only 3 Get All Clear
My T-shirt Made Me Sick – Textile Allergies – Sinusitis From Your Underwear
Chris Duggleby 