If it moves ban it, tax it, or give it a fine (especially horses, cows, snakes and women)!

While you read why not listen to my album ‘Electro Baroque‘ (all tracks are also available on iTunes using the link here)? Classical music using modern instruments:

or if you prefer to listen to my electro/techno album ‘Studio Valiumm‘ here are the videos (also on iTunes using the link here):

More info about my music is at the dedicated website www.TRANSFORMATES.com

I am sure some of my readers may consider the title of this week’s blog to be a bit provocative. The idea of regulating (or more precisely over-regulating) these dear cows as they eat grass is abhorrent and I feel it is time to bring these issues to the attention of the civilised World. This week I came across a number of articles in the alpine press which indicated that some people in authority are prepared to use their powers to ban, tax or fine innocent animals (specifically cows trying to make milk) which are just trying to go about their normal business. Repression appears to be alive in the heart of Europe.

When taken at face value the articles I have reviewed may appear to indicate that authorities in the civilised world are going mad. However, I prefer to consider them to be symptoms of something much more wonderful: the German sense of humour.

On my travels across the world I have often heard people comment that ‘the Germans don’t have a sense of humour’. Usually my reply to this has been that in my experience German people do have a sense of humour but you need to have a good understanding of the language to appreciate the joke. You also you need to look in some rather unusual places to see German humour at its best.

So this week I have reviewed four articles which for me reconfirmed that the German-speaking Peoples do have a sense of humour. You should keep this in mind when you read about some of their more excentric proposals about the creation of unusual rules and laws. In the end sanity usually prevails – but you can have a lot of fun on the way.

Article 1: Horse Poo crimes in Berlin

This is a subject which is getting ever more attention from the Berlin Public Order Authorities. The article explains the nature of the problem and what can happen to you if you get on the wrong side of the Horse Poo authorities (Berlin staatlischen Pferdescheiß Behörden). It also describes how some of the best technical brains are working on an innovative solution to ensure that visitor’s encounters with poo are kept to an absolute minimum.

The article can be found by clicking here.

Article 2: Proposed tax on snakes in Cologne

Snakes (Schlangen) are becoming an increasing problem on the streets of Cologne, particularly after hours. At the same time, like many cities, the authorities are trying to find ways of raising more taxes. The proposed solution is pretty simple: tax the snakes (Schlangensteuer). This article explains in more detail what kinds of snakes the authorities are considering taxing and how the tax will be applied (here the length and width of the snakes is quite important). Interestingly the biggest snakes tend to be found outside of Cologne’s discos and pubs.

If this brief summary is enough to wet your appetite please take a look at the article which can be found by clicking here.

Article 3: Men Only Slides at the Water Amusement Park in Erding

Clearly ladies (and especially German ones) are not poor defenceless animals but my attention was drawn to this article because it followed on so closely after the ‘men only parking spaces‘ in the German town of Triberg (if you would like to read that article just click on the link here). When I researched a little more deeply I realised that there was an important health issue for any ladies who use the high-speed slides found in these leisure parks and therefore I have reviewed the available facts in a new article. A number of ladies have had to visit the hospital after using the water slide in Erding so clearly this is a serious issue.

To find out more, including what ladies can do to minimise the risk, please read the article which can be found by clicking here.

Article 4: Alpine cows get fines in Austria for ringing their cow bells

This is this weeks horror story. Anyone who has visited the alps will be familiar with the welcoming sound of cow bells as our industrious friends go about their milk producing business. For those of us who spend a lot of time on the mountains it will be clear that the bells are essential for finding cows that have strayed from their normal grazing ground and get lost in the mountain forests. The bells are also a useful reminder to visitors to give grazing cattle a wide berth – they have important jobs to do and do not take kindly to disturbances.

Therefore it was with horror that I discovered that some of these poor, hard-working, innocent creatures have been fined for ringing their bells while grazing. Please read the article to find out more – but be warned – you may not sleep easily afterwards. The details can be found by clicking here.

After reading about this bovine trauma in the Alps I immediately took my camera and raced up my local mountain (the Schwarzenberg Mountain, above Bad Feilnbach in Bavaria). There I took some photos of my local mooing friends (I mean cows of course) who were happily ringing their bells as they munched on the mountain grass. If the Austrian courts have their way this is may soon become a thing of the past. Therefore I am dedicating the rest of this blog to the cows I met today; please see the photographs below which I took this afternoon. Long may the alpine cows eat grass and ring their bells!

Happy reading,

Chris Duggleby

Trio of Cows with Cow Bells eating grass on Plateau above Bad Feilnbach

Trio of Cows with Cow Bells eating grass on Plateau above Bad Feilnbach

Cow showing off her Cow Bell on Plateau above Bad Feilnbach

Cow showing off her Cow Bell after eating grass on Plateau above Bad Feilnbach

Cow eating grass on the meadow with her Cow Bell above Bad Feilnbach

Cow eating grass on the meadow with her Cow Bell above Bad Feilnbach

Cow with Cow Bell having a well deserved drink of water on the alpine plateau above Bad Feilnbach

Cow with Cow Bell having a well deserved drink of water after eating grass on the alpine plateau above Bad Feilnbach

Cows grazing on the Alm or Alpine meadow near the summit of the Schwarzenberg Mountain in the Bavarian Voralpenland

Cows grazing on the Alm or Alpine meadow near the summit of the Schwarzenberg Mountain in the Bavarian Voralpenland (near Bad Feilnbach)

If you found these articles interesting you might like to read some of my other reviews of important developments in the news. Just click on the titles below:

31st March 2014: Women In the Army: Germany – Problems with Sexual Harassment,Scandinavian Solution ….Sleeping Together

18th March 2014: Germany and Finland Joint Investigation: New Case of Sexual Cannibalism Including Self-mutilation (Castration) During Intercourse.

7th March 2014: Invasive Alien Species (IAS) Discovered in France – Potential for European Ecosystem Disaster

4th March 2014: 30,000 Year old giant virus found in the Siberian Permafrost and ‘resurrected’ – it is still infectious!

2nd March 2014: Wolves are better at learning from their ‘pals’ than dogs.Through domestication dogs have lost a capability that is key to success in the wild.

24th February 2014: Ant Wars: Crazy Ants deploy Chemical Warfare against Poisonous Fire Ants and their Amphibious Craft.

9th March 2013: Insects getting hooked on psychoactive drugs – How plants take advantage of bees by giving them a caffeine buzz.

29th December 2012: Spreading diarrhea and vomit through the washing machine – The Norovirus propagator in our kitchen. 

28th December 2012: If you want to suck on my worm you had better whistle my song! 

23rd December 2012: Lower Saxony puts naked winter sports event on ice for safety reasons following massive popularity of undressed ladies on sledges and fears of over exposure. 

22nd December 2012: German tax authorities require lorry drivers to keep a toilet log-book(“LKV Fiscal Bog Log”).

6th October 2012: Blue, green or chocolate brown honey: Bee Obesity (“Obeesity”), M&Ms and a potential marketing challenge to Nutella in our children’s lunchboxes.

25th August 2012: Bubble Tea – German scientists claim to have found traces of carcinogenic chemicals.

18th August 2012: Polar Bear dies of Encephalitis after catching Herpes from a Zebra in Wuppertal Zoo near Düsseldorf.

18th August 2012: How Bavarians and Austrians use their middle finger – Fingerhakeln: a men-only sport (did Arnold Schwarzenegger start training this way?).

11th August 2012: Do you have killer rats/mice in your cellar? Over 2000 people attacked in Germany so far this year (Hantavirus Infections at record levels).

28th July 2012: Naked Night Swimming in the Lakes Around Munich (costumes and towels are for wimps!)

28th July 2012: Naked In-line Skating in Dachau (Is this Germany’s Preparation for a new Olympic Event? – Watch out Beach Volleyball!)

If you find these articles interesting (or just fun) please take a look at the contents page of my Alpine Press reports which can be found by clicking here.

Now prepare for an uplifting experience! 



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